All of us know that issues surrounding the subject of divorce are eating like a cancer at the heart of our society. To say that the breaking apart of our nation’s families has reached epidemic proportions is no overstatement. I’m sure that most of you have been touched, in one way or another, by the pain of divorce. Before WWII divorce was viewed by most as shameful and disgraceful. Today, however, it has lost its shame and is viewed by most as a viable alternative to an unhappy married life.
The Lord’s church has not been unaffected. Paul tells us not to be “conformed to the world” (Rom. 12:2) but that is a constant battle. Though it shouldn’t, the world’s attitude toward the family and toward marriage and divorce has infiltrated the ranks of those who were once faithful.
In conversation with an older preacher some time ago he assured me that he could list 50-60 elders and preachers whose homes had been torn asunder by divorce. Sadly, and with a feeling of much shame, some of these are due to repeated adulteries. I’m at a loss of what to say about this kind of thing. We do know better. We ought to do better.
In addition, I can name a number of preachers who no longer preach what they used to preach on the subject of divorce. The best construction says that this change was made because a closer study of the Scripture demanded it. I fear, however, that some have made these changes to accommodate the moral climate or their own personal circumstances. Some may fear the consequences of preaching the truth on divorce.
Personally, this subject is extremely difficult for me for a couple of reasons. First, I am a child of divorce. My parents, after having been married for twenty years, decided to call it quits. Every time I preach or write on this subject it becomes intensely personal and painful. I am fifty-sixe years old, but there are still remnants of my parents’ divorce that I have to deal with on a regular basis. Second, I have been preaching for more than thirty-five years. In that time I have seen people I know and love, some who have been faithful to the Lord for years, yield to temptation, commit adultery, and destroy their homes. There is only one thing to say about this – it hurts! And you know what I mean because you have been hurt by it also. So, my dear readers, I assure you that I write from a heart that is filled with care and concern. It comes from one who has and does feel for those who experience the pain of ruptured relationships.
One more thing before we look at Matthew 19. Please keep in mind as we approach this subject that all of God's commands are for our good and ultimate benefit (Deut. 10:13). The law of the Lord is perfect, its testimony sure, its precepts right, its commandments pure, and "the judgments of the Lord are true, they are righteous altogether" (Psa. 19:7-9). We must have trust and confidence in God and what He says on this subject!
Matthew 19:3 tells us that “Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?’” It wasn’t uncommon for Jewish leaders to come to Jesus with impure motives (cf. Mt. 22:15,23,34). They were trying to catch Him in some slip of the tongue so they could parse His words and turn people against Him. Perhaps they were trying to involve Jesus in a debate between the major rabbinical schools of Shammi and Hillel. Or, more likely, they wanted Jesus to say something that would offend Herod. Herod was touchy about his adulterous relationship with Herodias (Mark 6:17-29) — even to the point of beheading folks who said much about it. Yet, for whatever reason the Pharisees asked, the point of the question was clear: Is marriage such a precarious relationship that it can be dissolved at the mere whim or pleasure of either party? Is divorce permissible for just any reason at all?
Jesus answered their question about divorce with a resounding, “No!” It wasn’t this way in the beginning with Adam and Eve and, according to Jesus, nothing had changed. He emphasized the permanence of the marriage relationship by affirming, “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate” (Mt. 19:6). Folks, that is so clear that one must have help to misunderstand it. God told Israel, “I hate divorce” (Mal. 2:16). To this day I find no indication that God has changed His mind. The act of divorce itself, except under the condition that Jesus gives in verse 9, is SIN!
The Pharisees immediately tried to place Jesus in conflict with Moses. “Why then did Moses command (emphasis mine, jhd) to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?” (Mt. 19:7) Jesus replied that Moses did not command such but only permitted it because of the hardness of their heart (Mt. 19:8). The Pharisees mistake, as in other instances (Mt. 23:29; Jn. 5:39), was that they did not understand the word of God – particularly Deuteronomy 24:1-3. In that passage Moses emphatically DID NOT command divorce nor a certificate of divorce. He merely regulated a practice in which they were already engaged in defiance of what God had said from the beginning.
God’s law on divorce and remarriage is stated succinctly, “"And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery [and he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery - NASB95 margin]” (Mt. 19:9). Jesus gives a general law and allows for one exception. The general law is, "Whoever divorces his wife...and marries another commits adultery." This is the real point of the entire text and the point we need to emphasize!! Much of the rhetoric often used in the discussion of this subject overlooks this important fact. Further, I believe it is because of the lack of emphasis on the permanence of marriage that we have such a problem with so many divorces.
The single and only exception to God's general law on divorce is "except for immorality." The force of this clause is, to state simply: If a man divorces his wife for the CAUSE of fornication and marries another, HE DOES NOT commit adultery. Please note that divorce must be for the cause of fornication, i.e, fornication must be the motive for the divorce. In divorces where fornication is not the motive only adultery can result. I see no place in this passage for a second, post-civil divorce, “divorce.” Such, in my judgment, is only mental gymnastics made in an effort to skirt the force of a simple statement of Scripture.
Jesus concluded His law on divorce by stating, "he who marries a divorced woman" (Lit. one who has been divorced, put away) “commits adultery." To this rule I see no Scriptural exception.
Folks, we live in perilous times. What will be the result in our families and in our churches if we fail to stand firmly and squarely on the truth?
“Let the wicked forsake his way And the unrighteous man his thoughts; And let him return to the LORD, And He will have compassion on him, And to our God, For He will abundantly pardon” (Isaiah 55:7).